** The Red Dragon **
Sit back and have a laugh at this:
Dragons Are So Misunderstood!
© 2001 Jane Paula Richer
So what is so wrong with a dragon who steals a cow and occasionally burns down a barn? At least it gives the peasants some excitement, instead of asking, "How many eggs widow Jenkins collected last week?" or "Did you see the size of Timmy Riley's hog?" Boring!
Now enter the damsel in distress. She is nearly always a Princess, out riding alone near some caves or close to an abandoned castle. Are you catching on?
Two things dragons love to do: 1. Live in caves and abandoned castles. 2. Capture princesses and eat them. Now this happens like clockwork. You'd think her parents would question the logic of their only daughter riding unescorted. Guess who passed her their brain cells!
There she is, captured by a dragon (imagine that!). He then takes her to his cave/castle and then what happens? He sleeps! Yes, he always does. Capture a princess, take a nap! Every time. He doesn't eat her right away-Why? (remember the cow?) Yep, he is full! So what does the princess do? NOTHING!
Why not sneak past the dragon while he snores (they always snore!), or crawl out the window and climb down the ivy (there's always ivy!); but No!-she screams and cowers in a corner!
The dragon wakes up because who could possibly sleep with all that screaming? And the stage is set for (can you guess?) Yep, the handsome knight. They are always handsome! He's on a white horse. (They are always white!) And he is always young and brave!
Who teaches this stuff? Is it in some musty-dusty, How-To manual? Look under: How to Become a Knight. Step 1-Wear shiny, cold, armor. Step 2-Fight big, ferocious, fire-breathing monsters. Step 3-Rescue weak, defenseless (What? Just watch her at a going-out-of-stock, jeweled tiara sale!), thimble-brained, blonde (They are always blonde!) princess! Puleeze!
Guess what happens next? The dragon roars, the princess screams, and the knight charges! Just once I would like to see the knight ride off into the sunset--with the dragon!
But NO! Exit one dragon, and our knight and his lady live happily ever after! NOT!
Just how happy could they be when she hasn't the brains she was born with, and he has written on his resume under skills: jousting, fighting fire-breathing monsters, rescuing damsels in distress! Yeah, I'd hire him, wouldn't you?
See, there's the poor dragon forced to eat loud, brainless princesses and fight knights when all he wanted to do was burn down a barn, eat a cow, and sleep!